Me and My Life

2009-07-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

Imagine for a moment what it might feel like to be in the middle of a hurricane. The winds howling all around you, cold raindrops sliding down your face, everything falling apart from the powerful strength the storm prossess. Half of all marriages end in divorce and anyone who has lived through one knows this helpless, hopeless feeling.
When I think my parents divorce at the begining of this year, the first word that comes to my mind is nightmare. Indeed it was a nightmare, filled with screaming, crying, brainwashing, desertion and never-ending pain...only I couldn't wake up becasue it was real.
I remember constantly changing my mind over which parent's side to take. It was either, "I love Mum, I hate Innes." Or "I love Dad, I hate Ruth." Calling my parents by their first names my my method of separation and disassociation.
It was a time of hypocrisies, lies and contradictions. I remember my father telling me horrible things about my mother. And my mother telling me over and over again that Innes was a sick, twisted monster who didn't love me...never had, never would. I felt as if I were drowning in an ocean of tears.
I could go on forever describing that time of my life, but these days I'm trying ti move past all that. The winds of hatred have begun to calm around me, and sometimes I can see the sun peeking out from behind the rain clouds of my painful memories.

2009-06-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

THE National Library of Scotland banned workers from displaying Saltires in the office - claiming they could be racist.

Bosses said the flags could "intimidate non-Scottish colleagues" - and also banned the Lion Rampant and tartan seat covers.

The move - believed to have been prompted by one worker bedecking his desk in flags -sparked fury last night.

SNP Msp Christine Grahame accused l More..ibrary chiefs of an "unforgivable slur on the reputation of Scotland's national flag".

She demanded an apology after securing evidence of the policy through the Freedom of Information Act.

In emails , director of customer services Alexandra Miller told NLS staff that the display of the Saltire and tartan would not be tolerated.

Miller even went round offices herself removing Saltires and other material she deemed "offensive".

She wrote: "I believe it could even impinge on respect at work issues where such nationalistic displays may intimidate non-Scottish colleagues.

"I am very disappointed to see (staff ) continue to have inappropriate material bedecking their workstation. This includes several Saltires and a Lion Rampant and the personalisation of a chair with red tartan."

Miller then implied displaying of the Saltire may be deemed "racist" by other staff and visitors.

When it was pointed out to Miller that one member of staff, ex-soldier John Gibson, was very attached to his flags, she replied: "As for John's 'attachment' to the items, he is perfectly free to adorn his home with them.

"This is a workplace, not a home from home."

Last night, MSP Grahame branded the actions "deplorable" and hit out: "This is a completely unacceptable slur on Scotland's national flag.

"I would have thought that in the National Library of Scotland of all places, they would have understood the place the Saltire has in Scottish hearts as one of the oldest national symbols in existence.

"Instead, it appears that senior management have embarked on a deliberate assault on the flag of Scotland, trying to purge it completely.

"The National Library of Scotland should issue a complete and unreserved apology and ensure the Saltire is not attacked in this crude manner."

Last night, national librarian Martyn Wade tried to defuse the row, claiming: "The Library did not, and would not, 'ban' staff from displaying the Saltire.

"We merely asked a single individual to remove what we considered to be an excessive display of large flags from a desk in a shared, professional work area and we would have done so regardless of what the flag was or indeed any other adornment.

"We proudly fly the Saltire from our main building."

Scots Tory Leader Annabel Goldie last night blamed First Minister Alex Salmond for the library flag row.

She said: "Alex Salmond has politicised the Saltire. I warned him a year ago that the Saltire was our national flag, not his nationalist symbol.

"Scotland should be proud of the Saltire - not nervous about it because Alex Salmond has abused it for his own ends."

Source: LiveLeak.com

2009-06-21T07:55:00.000-07:00

Dad,

I miss you, but I cannot make you miss me.
I need you, but you do not know my need.
I want you, but I cannot make you kiss me.
I suffer, but I cannot make you bleed.
I beseech you, but you will not be beguiled.
The doors locked, you will not let me in.
You're my father, but I cannot be you're child.
I've lost you, and I can't take back my sin.
Like an earth no longer with it's sun.
Shooting towards eternity alone,
I no longer cirlce anyone, an aimless,
Mindless,Wandering, Piece of stone.
Ah, Father! It would be so sad if we
would journey through to darkness separately.

I hope that just maybe things will go right for us. I know maybe they won't. I hope you see how much I miss you and want my Daddy back again.

I love you Dad.

XXXX

Daddy's Hands......

2009-06-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

Insurance Policies

2009-03-27T11:18:00.001-07:00

On the 12th Febuary I passed my practical Driving test. I was over the moon. It feels like such a weight has been lifted of my shoulders.

Anyway, I didn't by a car straight away. I waited about three weeks until I did. And when I did...Oh Man...it was amazing. I cant say that i wasn't shitting myself when i first got behind the wheel for the first time by myself. But this is when the learning begings people kept telling me and man they were right. I still havn't been on the motorway or anything like that yet. I'm not brave enough for that yet. LOL.

Another thing as well, when I did pass my test I went and looked at cars, for there number plates. I used the nu,ber plates to get a quote on my insurance and that is scary. I finally got the cheapest deal after looking for weeks. It's still a scary price but it will stay like that for a while because of my age and I have just passed.

I found this statement out of a book and I found it quite funny. SO I tought I'd let you all read it:

"The average American has car insurance for her 2.5 cars - that she'll be paying for right up until the warrenty expires or the engine blows up in mid-morning traffic, while she's driving aherd of children in her minivan (that years ago she swore she wouldn't be caught dead in) to soccer practice. We have house insurance, health insurance (including dental) and another policy to take care of whatever the other insurance polices were supoosed to. There's insurance for the boat, Wave Rider, and any other toy that makes us happy. After a big scare we purchase tornado, hurricane, flood, earthquake, and 'Dust Bowl' insurance as a package deal - just incase ol' mother Nature decides to promote chaos. We have insurance protection for not only every credit card we need, but practically every piece of application we're still making payments on - the TV, DVD player, and Nintendo; The washer, dyryer and refrigerator' to the puree blender that we use for our high-energy, high-carb,high-protein,low-fat,no-taste shakes...So we can live longer, pay more taxes and purchase more insurace polices!!!"

Picture of the week

2009-02-19T12:44:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wish things were different?

2009-02-02T12:23:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me a very intresting question today. Do you ever wish things were different?

I had to think about it for a moment. I could not give her a straight answer. But after thinking about if for a few hours I had an answer...

No

But then, of course, I am lying. Everyone wishes some things could be different. The real question is how we accept what is and what things do we wish to change and how we go about changing it.

I think a lot of people wish for things to be different, but then you realize if things did change for someone in this world... and they got what they wanted. Would that ever be a good thing? Would the fabric of reality still be safe and in existence?

The key is to accept that things are not perfect, and strive for the perfect world. One person can to a hell of a lot, on this small planet

Often we all do that. All men want things could have been different. No body seem to be happy with their present condition. Hence, they strive to better their fortunes. In fact, it is this predicament that has been fuelling mankind into more and more enterprise. Had mankind been content and complacent about what they had, there would have no discovery and inventions.

Things can be different. By making a conscious choice to change something, things that come after will (Or can be) be different.

What is is because of all that has come before; if any one thing were different in the past, everything would be different in the future.

2009-01-30T07:57:00.001-08:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Find someone who calls you beautiful instead of hot; who calls you back when you hang up on them; who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the one who kisses your forehead; who wants to show you off to the world when you think you look your worst; who holds your hand in front of their friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much they care about you and how lucky they are to have you. Wait for the one who turns to their friends and says, "..That’s her"

2008-12-05T11:16:00.000-08:00

It's only a few weeks till Christmas - 20 days. I went on Thursday to try and get my xmas shooping the rest I did online. And boy, I'm glad I did. The mall I went to - Breahead - was packed with people. Most shops I went into was packed you couldn't move. But I got all that I needed after spending about 3 hours there.

December is an important month for me. Ever since the 27th of June I have been taken driving lessosn. I have booked my test before christmas. I'm not going to say when. Simple, because I don't wanna put pressure on myself. I have told my driving instructor. And that is all who NEEDS to know. Keep your fingers crossed for me. =)
xxx

2008-12-05T06:33:00.000-08:00

2008-12-03T09:37:00.000-08:00

I have always loved winter better than any other season. I don't know why. Guess its the whole, having to get wrapped up to go out, and of course Christmas.

But this year we are having really bad tempatures.

On Monday night, it rained really heavy and the tempatures went down to -15 and it froze all the rain. So when I went to go to work the whole place covered in ice, Like an ice rink. I'm not kidding. Whereever you went there was ice. You know when ever you lose your feet on ice you can do nothing but fall. I just stepped outside my house and walked down a really small hill and lost my feet. I panicked. Pushing my feet trying to get a grip. But i din't work.,....I fell and cracked my head on the pavement. All I heard was a crack. I got up quickly, brushed myslef down, and looked to see if anyone saw me. When I got to work my Manager opened the door and said;"OMG, What happened to you?" I was confused he told me i had blood all down the side of my face. I went and looked in the mirror and saw a stream of blood down from my eyebrow to my cheek. I went and cleaned it up. I started to work (although some people told me not too), towards the afternoon, I started to feel sick. So my told me to go to the hospital, they told me I ahd concussion and to take it easy. So I went home and 'took it easy'. The next morning I woke up all stif. My left arm and leg were so sore. But I went to work anyway. At the time the fall wasn't funny, but now I laugh at it. =)

Probing System won't stop evil

2008-11-27T15:29:00.000-08:00

Another day, another family torn apart by atrocity.
Another monster for whom no punishment seems severe enough.
More victims whose pain has gone unheeded in life and who will go on hunting for eternity.
Another case that proves nothing more or less than that some people are evil beyond comprehension.
Yet which our leaders somehow believe can be explained away by throwing cash into a roomful of worthless and letting them waffle the weasel words we could all predict before a syllable is uttered.
Lessons must be learned. Never let it happene again. The public deserves answers. Blah blah blah.
Then the clock ticks down until the next tale of horror, of depravity, of neglect and abuse. And the same weaselly waffle starts all over again.
It's how it is. It what we are. No sooner has the name baby P osomosed itself into our consciousness than it's time to dissect the unspeakable acts of the Yorkshire Fitzl - the father who repeatedly raped his two daughters for 25 years, put them through 19 pregnancies, ten miscarriages and abortions and two still-births.
Gordon Brown stands up in Parliament and demands to know how this man got away with what he did.
Well, for me the answer's simple. He got away with it because he could, because he's as manipulative as he is evil, as determind as he is perverted.
But it's never allowed to be that simple. It's never just the fault of the rapist, of the abuser, of the killer.
And so out the PM trots out the weasel line to end thm all.
"If the system has failed, we will change the system."
Ah, our pal The Sytem. Let's change it and everything will turn out fine. Well, count me in. Just show me where it starts, where it ends and what's in between and we'll take it from there.
As a starter for ten, let's first look uner the bonnet of our cars. Look at the bits that join together to amke the engine complete. Mechanic or not, it's simple enough to understand that if all those bits work, so will the car. Now try doing the same with this sorwling blancmange of bureaucracy we call the system.
Tell ne what what sparks it, what fuels it, who steers it. How you stop the damn thing careering out of control and ploughing smack-bang into a brick wall.
You can't. No one can, not even those who supposed RUN the thing. They can hold all the enquires under the sun, restructure and realign and rethink until the cows come home.
But the fact is the same with the Yorkshire Fritzl as it is the smae with Baby P. Blame this mythical, mystical System for what he got away with and we might as well blame the air we breathe for the pollution it contains.
Sure, the police and socail services in Sheffield and Lincolnshire mighr have stopped these repeated atrocities, just as those in London might have saved Baby P. But even if they had, chances are they'd have missed some other monstor in naother street doing something just as horrible.
Why? Because they can't be everywhere. Becasue the more complex and obscene the crime, the more complex and ingenious the cover-up.
But most of all, because systems don't ,ake society work. People do. And if people choose to screw that socity up, no guidelines or rule books will stop them.
We keep hearing that the threat of tougher sentencing will act as a deterrent crime.
Hell, the maximum punishment for rape is life imprisonment. Yet this monster still went ahead and forced sex on his daughter hundred of times.
Why? Because like all truly bad people, he firmly believed he'd never get caught.
If the PM has a plan to reprogramme brutes like him, lets go for it. Now. Just don't kid ,e on that making do-gooders attack thankless job in a slightly different way will do any good.
But hey, maybe i'm wrong here. Maybe Broon's right. MAybe all our problems CAN be solved by changing The System.
If so, though, why stop at social work? Why not starte right by scraping the POLITICAL System and start broken repairing Britian from top down?
Or is it only an option when it's someone else who has to do the changing?

IT'S OFFICIAL...TICK MAKES UK TICK

2008-11-26T14:07:00.001-08:00

There comes a moment in too may lives when the realisation dawns that we'll never be out of the red.
The day when you face facts and accept that only a Lotto Rollover can save you now.
Not a landmark to fill the heart with pride, that one.
At least, not until yesterday. When Bron and darling didn't just maske debt acceptable - they made it hte LAW.
See, all this time us brainless wonders who've run up a collective £1.4trillion of personal debt were racked with guilt about living beyond our means.
But now it turns out we've actually been promoting Fiscal Stimulus. That's the phrase Captain Darling's used to describe borrowing more and not paying taxes in order to spend, spend, spend.
He's my kind of Chancellor.
A guy who's turned right into what makes Britian tick. Which is, of course, tick.
Let's face it - we're more likely to go metal at the shops when we don't have money to pay it. Whenever we feel low, we give ourselves rhe magical buzz that only comes with maxing thr plastic.
Except that the buzz was always followed by an even bigger downer when the truth stung like an angry hornet; it'd all have to be paid one day.
But no more. "A trillion and a bit in the red?" says the Captain. "What's that between friends? It's nearly Christmas, so get out there and kick lumps out of your credit in the name of kick starting rhe economy."
And by God, we will. I'm tipping it here and now - this year will see one of the most Jingle-Till-Tastic festive spree of all time.
I mean, how can we NOT run roit when out Goverment needs us to? When the future of Britain depends on it?
Of course, the posh papers are full of warnings from financial experts about how it's plan doomed to failure, how Britain's heasing for a crash that'll leave us eating dust sandwiches withing the year.

Maybe they'll be right, too.
But by my logic when that happens, the ones in the red will be better off than the ones with money in the bank.
After all, who's going to come chasing Joe Punter for ten grand when Britain plc owes hundreds of billions? What bank's going to shut down a small business for want of a few bob when they themsleves have held out grasping hand for a financial lifeline?
A warped way of looking at it akk? Probably. But, no more warped than the leadership that's taking us down this road of spluring our way out of debt.
Over the past few months, the Goverment has been dealing witht eh credit crunch like it's some kind of bereavement.
With grief, shrins say you go through denial, anger, bargainin, depression and - finally - acceptance, With Broon and Darling, we've been laughted as they assured us the good times would roll on. Then, after Northern Rock, denial as they told us no one else could be that stupid.
Eventually, there was the acceptance that plently others COULD be that stupid. And now, they're at the panicking stage,
The pair of them are doing everything but running round screaming Wur Doomed. They're changing their minds on how to solve the crisis more than they changed their pants.
So forget the pre-budget report,
By the time the ACTUAL budget come around in the spring, all bets could be off again.
Vat could be up to 50 per cent, tax down to 2p in the pound and our first-born confiscated and sold to the Russians.
And you and I could be in the naughty chair for melting the Mastercard. But hey, if the bailiffs DO come to the door one day, you know what to tell them;
"You're not paying up. The Captain said it'd be ok."

2008-11-11T12:52:00.000-08:00

It went to collect my paycheck today and attached to it was another piece of paper titled : "Safety In Mind" I thought great another letter where they tell us how important Health and safety and work is....blah blah blah. I here it ever year. But I started reading the letter:

"Dear colleague,

This week is our safety in mind week. It's a milestone in our commitment to malking Somerfield the safest place to work and Shop. It's reflective of the increased invesment and many improvements made in our Health & Saferty strategy. And above all you - and your personal safety.

In the next few weeks, every colleague will be issued with a personal safety alarm. Keep it about your person at all times - it's a real deterrent and genuine safeguard against violent behaviour. But it's just a small part of out...... ( I don't want to put you to sleep wioth the rest)

Since when has it been needed to have a personal safety alarm at wrk? Is wrking in Retail really got that bad? I knwo My shop is locate right a cross from the homeless unit and you do get some characters from across there. In the year I have been there I have been threatened for not selling someone alchol simple because I didn't think they were old enough. and to be told tht person Is gonna be waiting for you and one night when i finish she will "do me in" its not right. I dont feel safe in tht kinda enviroment.

Also I have witness my Manager being Punch because he stopped someone trying to but alcholo because he was drunk.

And how many time have I seen Colleagues run after shoplifters? Too many.

So I can see there poin in giving them to us.

But think about it, Is our sociaty gotten tht bad we need Personal Safety alarms at work??

Help For Heroes

2008-11-06T14:57:00.000-08:00

Help For Heroes is a British Charity launched in September 2007 to help provide better facilities for wonded British Serivemen and women.
Founded by Bryn Parry, a Cartoonist and former member of the Royal Green Jackets, after visiting Soilders at Selly Oak Hospital in Birmingham. H4H was launched after a meeting with the Professional Head Of the British Army.
H4H has many support from National newspapers in the UK such as The Sun and The Sunday Times who made it one of the benificiares of their Christmas appeal in 2007, raising a total of £674,000 for H4H.

Since it's lanch in 2007 there has been may ways for the public to help H4H.

The X Factor finalists recorded a charity single called "hero", After the first week the single was on sale, Gorden Bron managed to get the VAT lifted from the single so all the money from it was going to H4H charity.

There is also a H4H charity wrist band. Worn By Simon Cowel And David Beckahm and many other celebrities.
I have mine, do you have yours?

2008-11-06T14:56:00.000-08:00

Is it me or is christmas getting earlier every year? We have been decorating my work all week with bobbles hanging from the celing, hanging stars on the door, and tinsel on all the poles. We started decorating 1st November, and my boss told me we were actuly late putting them up (LATE?!?!?!) Its only the begining of November surely you wait till after bonfire night till you put them up? But no. So all decorations are up and Im fine with that. They loom quite nice actuly.

But, I was working away today when suddenly I heard what song was on, "are you hanging up your stocking on the wall, its the time of year that every Santa has a ball." And I thought, "Are you fricking kidding me?" I went into my bosses office and said "Chistmas songs?!?! Seriously?" But It was true, we are gonna have Christmas songs for 'bout another 2 and a half months. Oh and It doesnt end there, we need to wear reindeer antlers after November 21st. I love chistmas I really do, but there is such a thing as Too early.

So tonight I got home and was singing "So here it is Merry Christmas. Everybody's having fun" So heres ti the start of the Chistmas season (well for me anyway LOL)

Cheers

xxxx

Daniel Evans Sign Off- XFactor

2008-10-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

My wee brother

2008-10-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

The very Loud Dante ;)

The 23 Enigma

2008-10-12T12:02:00.000-07:00

The 23 Enigma is Someone who belieces that all incidents and events are directly connected to the number 23.

It takes 23 seconds for the blood to circulate through the body

Shakespear was born April 23rd he also died April 23rd

Ceaser was stabbed 23 times

2/3 = .666 The Number of the devil

World
Trade
Center
w=23rd letter of the alphabet
T=20th letter of the alphabet
C=3rd Letter of the alphabet

T+C= 23

This happened on 9/11/2001
9+11+2+00+1= 23

They tried to brwing down the WTC in 1976
1+9+7+6= 23

Oklahoma Bombings occured on the 19/4
19+4= 23

The Hiroshima Nuke was dropped at 8:15
8+15= 23

The mayans belive the end of the world will be 2012 (20+1+2=23)

There's 23 letters on an American Coin

Jesus was believed to be born Juky 23rd

The Titanic sunk 15/4/1912
1+5+4+1+9+12=23

An average lunar cycle is 28 days
28= 23+5
23+5(5=2+3)

January 23rd Hitler organised the National Socialist Congress and he tried to seize Power on November 23rd

John F Kennedy was shot on November 22 1963
2+2+1+9+6+3=23

The tilt of the earths axis is 23.5 (2+3=5)

Theres 23 vertibre in the human body

W is the 23rd letter in the alphabet Whats abouve W on your keyboard?

23

Old Cartoons I used to Watch

2008-09-28T11:18:00.000-07:00

Life

2008-09-19T04:32:00.000-07:00

The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody!

Dreams

2008-09-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

She says most men her age want younger women.
She thinks her self esteem's not quite itself any more.
But she sees herself as more than what the mirror shows,
Why that's so important, heaven only knows.
When the important part for her is,
Souls and heart's and

Of never ever bein' alone again.
(Dreams.)
Not even diamonds, just a little gold.
Someone there to hold her hand when she gets old.
Dreams, the kind you know will never end.
Forever lovers and forever friends.
Someone really there, to love and care, and share,
Dreams.

She swears she won't divorce a 3rd time.
She swears the more she knows about love, the harder it is to find.
Her perfect picture of her white horse prince,
Is now dependentibility and common sense,
Someone kind and brave.
Someone not afraid of:

(Dreams.)
Of never ever bein' alone again.
(Dreams.)
Not even diamonds, just a little gold.
Someone there to hold her hand when she gets old.
Dreams, the kind you know will never end.
Forever lovers and forever friends.
Someone really there, to love and care, and share,
Dreams.

Oh, dreams, the kind you know will never end.
Forever lovers, forever friends.
Someone really there, to love and care, and share,
Dreams.

She says most men her age want younger women.

Love you Alex :) <3

Living in 2008

2008-09-09T10:52:00.000-07:00

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

...AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

The script

2008-08-08T08:30:00.000-07:00

Before The Worst

2008-08-08T08:17:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3diWsUZp_Kk

The Script

2008-08-08T08:03:00.000-07:00

The script are a Band From Ireland.With Danny O'Donaghue (25), Mark Sheehan (27), and Glen Power (28). This is a whole new brand of Celtic Soul, blending hip hop lyrical flow with pop melodiousness, state-of-the-art R'n'B production with anthemic rock dynamics, classic song construction with gritty contemporary narratives. It's got all the emotion and passion you would expect from across the Irish sea, but it is glittering in its modernity, universal in its singalong addictiveness and global in its syncopation, music for the feet, heart and head. Think U2 versus Timbaland, Van Morrison remixed by Teddy Riley. "Irish people have soul," according to Danny. "It comes from generations of pain, and generations of understanding emotion to be able to physically get that in a solid sound."

The Script have sung songs called The Man who can't be moved, We Cry, Before The Worst, and Fall For Anything.

Life through my eyes

2008-08-01T15:18:00.000-07:00

Heya all! I thought I would post an article on me and my condition.
I suffer from ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)I have done since I was about 5-years-old. ADHD is a condition that becomes apparent in some children in the preschool and early school years. It is hard for these children to control their behaviour and pay attention. It is estimated that between 3 and 5 percent children have ADHD, about 5 children and two adults out of every 100. This means that in a classroom of 25 to 30 childern, it is likely that at least one will have ADHD. For me, my ADHD has only ever become a problem when I started High School. I had noticed it before but it didnt really bother me. I didnt seem different or i didn't struggle too much at school. But that all changed when I got to High School. Every luch time one of the lunch time staff would come and give me my medication. And soon other kids caught on that I was taking pills all day calling all sorts of names. They always seemed to think I was a junkie or I was a freak. It really hurt. But after a while I got used to the name calling. It just became a way of life at school. The school work at High School got a lot harder which i noticed right away. When I was in Primary School I never really struggled with the work and if I did there was always someone about to help me. But there wasn't always someone about when I got to High School. I got really frustrated at the work and soon that changed me to becoming really badly behaved not just because I couldnt do the work, I could I just sometimes needed some extra instructions than everyone else. But in a class of 30 students and 1 teacher it was always difficult to get help most of the time. So i got into trouble a lot. I lost count how many times I saw the hall walls or the Headmasters door. I still remember the time I had a really bad day at school. I was getting really angry at myself the teacher had explained it to me so many times and I still couldnt get it. So I just gave up. Sat back in my chair and just refused to do it. The teacher tried to get me to co-operate but I wasn't for having it. He soon gave up and sent me outside but when he came to get me i was gone. He raised the alarm to an other teacher. And soon someone had said to my teacher they saw me near the far end of the school. So a few teachers headed that way. By the time they got to me I was heading outside. Heading towards the Gate. As soon as I heard them I just ran. But unlucky for me there was a PE teacher there. He ran after me and soon he had caught me. I tried to struggle free but his grip was to tight. He was telling me "Calm Down! Calm down!" I was trying but I couldnt I was to angry and upset so once they got me back into the school my mum was called and asked to take me home. I don't know how I got to that state but it just shows u how frustated you can become.
Thankfuly I haven't had any other chapters like that again.
School was a very long and frustrating time. I could never sit still I was always moving. That got me in trouble a lot. Another thing that I did which I couldnt help was I did things without considering the consequences and not thinking about what I was going to do and if i did it would be too late because I would have already done it. The one time I hated in High School was the change of timetable and teachers every year. I hated it. Just when I was getting along with teachers who know me and understood me I had to move and then spend the next year getting along with new teachers and getting into trouble becuase they never understood me.
The best choice I have made was to leave to school on November 2007. One or two teachers were not too happy about it but I was 16-years-old. I didn't NEED to stay there any longer if I didnt want to. So I left and life couldnt be any better. Its still frustrating at times like when something isn't working and I can't fix it I will become very angry. But Life is 90% better than it was when I was at school. And I have Money!!! The only other thing is that I never have slept well I can't remember the last time I had a nice 8hr sleep. Its always between 2- 6. I can never seem to settle and rest. I suppose its a bad thing when you have early starts.
Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Please leave me a comment and ask me anything that you would like to know.
For more information go to; http://www.adhd.com/index.jsp I found this sight very useful.

emma

xx

Love....Without Love

2008-05-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

This had being bugging me for the past few days so I thought I would post and see what you all think?

Well last year, the middle of October I started going with a guy who was about two years older than me. It wasnt a problem to me age is just a number, right? Well, it was all going great. We went on dates every week th usual cinema, dinner or shopping. But after about a month and a bit I started to realise i hadnt felt what they call love. Im only 16 so yeah you may all be thinking that i dnt know what love is or feels like? Wrong! I know what love is and feels like. And those few weeks wasnt love. Maybe i was expecting something and he wasnt what i had expected I dnt know. But after about two month i dumped him. To be honest I didnt have the time my Gran was losing her battle with cancer and then died. So i had to just be me for a while.

Then about a month later i heard from him again. I didnt really want to but i couldnt ignore his calls and texts. He said to me about how much he loved me and how much he missed me. But i didnt love him. I explained that to him and he was ok with that I think. And then again i heard from him from him in May 2008, asking the same thing. The bad thing for him was he wasnt over me yet. He confused the hell outta me. Did I love him? Didnt I? I had no idea. I talked to a friend about this and she suggested that i should just walk away and never think about him again otherwise i would just end up hurt. I took her advice. I called him and explained this to him. He was very understanding saying he didnt want to see me get hurt.

But over the last few days I have being think. Can u really make a relationship work without the Love? My answer: No. There is no way to make a relationship work if you don't love the person it just wouldnt be fair on the other person. So thats why i decided to walk away from that relationshop. It just wasnt right.

Do you all think I did the right thing? Or could I have done somwthing else>? Let me know.

Emma

xxx

Do u believe in Detiny?

2008-05-15T14:38:00.000-07:00

This a question on which men and women have pondered together for centuries. And this is a question which does not carry a straightforward answer. But as we go slightly deep to the surface quite a few explanations do come out.

Fate, destiny, resignation – they all seem to be synonyms up to a certain point. But, what if your whole life you’ve been a fighter and simply refuse to surrender in a certain situation? Can we rebel against our own destiny? Can we truly decide the way that we are going to follow in life?

These are all questions with no definite or final answer, but nevertheless, everything related to this matter also depends on our determination, our strength to defeat the obstacles we meet before reaching the ultimate aspiration.

A lot of people, who have been remarkably good at doing something during their lives, including business, sports, science etc, confess that fate seemed to be against them at the beginning and even throughout their career.

Most of them lived completely different lives before being successful and they are proud to remember those times.

It was indeed hard, most of them say, but they wanted to get to the top badly; nothing could have held them back from getting where they wanted. They also admit that they never dared to dream they would be so famous or successful in the future.

All these facts make us wonder, whether an apparently pre-established destiny can be modified or completely changed, if we manage to prove we really want something and we are determined to go all the way to get it, no matter what. And if we indeed can change fate, to whom should we demonstrate what we’re capable of?

Could there be a way to modify the data, which composes the famous book of life, just as easy as correcting something on a computer? And if that is true, how do we know that there wasn’t a mistake in the first place, and our determination does not do more than correct it?

Obviously, all that was presented before represents suppositions. Nevertheless, since there are different people who testify that their lives changed, this increases our confidence that we can do it too.

If we can’t control our destiny, we can, at least, contribute to what’s happening to us during our existence.

Maybe, although we were supposed to have a less fortunate destiny, if we treat others the right way, if we are always honest and always mind the truth, somehow bad fate will go around us, showing us that we can make our own destiny.
On the other hand, we cannot help wondering what happens to a person who starts off with a wonderful destiny, but during his or her life commits a series of unpardonable mistakes.

Will that destiny change?

Could it be true that we actually get the destiny we deserve? Persons who suffer tremendously for having lost somebody dear to them or persons born with a disease or a handicap, will answer no! There are a lot of innocent people in pain, so the theory that we get what we deserve is not always accurate.

But what if we have to pay for the errors others committed? Would that make us think deeper before carrying out something we are not really proud of, fearing that some innocent human being will pay, in the future, for our present actions?

There is no doubt that opinions are split when it comes to such a subject. However, meditating on this kind of themes helps us understand ourselves better and, hopefully, gets us closer to appreciating our fate and destiny.

This a question on which men and women have pondered together for centuries. And this is a question which does not carry a straightforward answer. But as we go slightly deep to the surface quite a few explanations do come out.

Fate, destiny, resignation – they all seem to be synonyms up to a certain point. But, what if your whole life you’ve been a fighter and simply refuse to surrender in a certain situation? Can we rebel against our own destiny? Can we truly decide the way that we are going to follow in life?

These are all questions with no definite or final answer, but nevertheless, everything related to this matter also depends on our determination, our strength to defeat the obstacles we meet before reaching the ultimate aspiration.

A lot of people, who have been remarkably good at doing something during their lives, including business, sports, science etc, confess that fate seemed to be against them at the beginning and even throughout their career.

Most of them lived completely different lives before being successful and they are proud to remember those times.

It was indeed hard, most of them say, but they wanted to get to the top badly; nothing could have held them back from getting where they wanted. They also admit that they never dared to dream they would be so famous or successful in the future.

All these facts make us wonder, whether an apparently pre-established destiny can be modified or completely changed, if we manage to prove we really want something and we are determined to go all the way to get it, no matter what. And if we indeed can change fate, to whom should we demonstrate what we’re capable of?

Could there be a way to modify the data, which composes the famous book of life, just as easy as correcting something on a computer? And if that is true, how do we know that there wasn’t a mistake in the first place, and our determination does not do more than correct it?

Obviously, all that was presented before represents suppositions. Nevertheless, since there are different people who testify that their lives changed, this increases our confidence that we can do it too.

If we can’t control our destiny, we can, at least, contribute to what’s happening to us during our existence.

Maybe, although we were supposed to have a less fortunate destiny, if we treat others the right way, if we are always honest and always mind the truth, somehow bad fate will go around us, showing us that we can make our own destiny.
On the other hand, we cannot help wondering what happens to a person who starts off with a wonderful destiny, but during his or her life commits a series of unpardonable mistakes.

Will that destiny change?

Could it be true that we actually get the destiny we deserve? Persons who suffer tremendously for having lost somebody dear to them or persons born with a disease or a handicap, will answer no! There are a lot of innocent people in pain, so the theory that we get what we deserve is not always accurate.

But what if we have to pay for the errors others committed? Would that make us think deeper before carrying out something we are not really proud of, fearing that some innocent human being will pay, in the future, for our present actions?

There is no doubt that opinions are split when it comes to such a subject. However, meditating on this kind of themes helps us understand ourselves better and, hopefully, gets us closer to appreciating our fate and destiny.

Oh no theres more!!!

2008-05-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

Me!!!!

2008-05-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

I was so board this afternoon can u tell? :

The Pain of getting over death

2008-04-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

My Gran was Diagnosed with Bowel Cancer at the end of June 2007 and passed away on Noverber 1st 2007 at around 2pm. She had got much worse as she didn't want Chemo. After she passed away I kept busy, I bottled up all my feelings. That only made things worse. When I did let it out, I couldnt stop it. I found myself sitting on the floor just crying for about 5 minutes. What did I do to deserve this much pain? Me and my family are doing so much for charity: I am running the "Race For Life" and a few of us are doing Sky Diving for Macmillian Cancer Reserach. I know it will take along time to get over this, but I have the pride in taking on her name: Emma Jane Waugh.

I love and miss you so much Gran, Things are not the same since you left.

xoxox

Why us>?

2008-04-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

A sad poem I found on the internet:

Why us Daddy,
why do we have to go through this pain?
It's like looking for a rainbow,
When there is no rain.
I still try and get to grips with it daddy,
And know that you won't be there
When I say those words; "I Do"
With flowers in my hair.
Daddy i'm going to miss you,
You've always been here,
You've made me laugh
and made me smile
And now it seems so near.
Thank you so much Daddy
You are going to a better place
I just wish you could stick around
I won't miss seeing your face.
And Now your done Daddy,
I just don't know what to do.
I miss seeing your face,
I miss seeing you.
Please come and visit us daddy,
At least once in a while,
just to see you here again,
would definitely make me smile.
We've so many cards daddy,
To show their love and care,
But they can't beat my love for you
And those memories that we share.
I really love you Daddy
Please don't forget that I do
I hope you rest in peace Daddy
I really love you
Never forget me Daddy, because Ill never ever forget you.

Love.

2008-04-07T09:57:00.001-07:00

How do you tell a boy that you work with that you have feelings for him?

I work with this amazing boy called Alex, i have knowen him for about 3 months. We work together at Somerfield in Linwood. I think we both get along great, we talk away to each other all the time about anything, and have a laugh. My Mum,brother, and a few friends have now started to notice how we are around each other. The other day he was on a 45 minute break and he kept coming into my office talking to me asking what I was doing. And also I passed him the other day and he smiled from ear to ear and I couldnt help but smile back.

The only problem is he has a Girlfriend. I don't want to tell him and then that makes things uncomfortable. I was gonna give him my phone number, start talking outside of work. But I chickened out. What should I do? Why is life never simple?

What is Joy?

2008-03-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

Joy Is Watching My Friend Manage His Life So Gracefully.

Did you ever wonder what it takes to change from being someone who’s overweight, a big drinker, and unhappy with just about everything in his life to someone who’s healthy, fit, balanced and happy? I don’t have to wonder, because I’ve had the gift of watching one of my closest friends do just that.

I mentioned Dan* in an earlier post. We met about six years ago when we were both working in the ad industry. At that time, what I saw in him was a talented, funny, yet extremely angry man. I was pretty angry then, too, so our blossoming friendship was imminent. We immediately bonded over shared grievances - always in humorous, biting ways - but since knowing each other, our connection has deepened and matured in a way that’s awe-inspiring to me.

It was a little more than six years ago that I started studying spiritualism and was beginning to open my mind to the power of positive thinking. I thought Dan would scoff at these things, but instead, he asked me to talk with him about them. Over the next few years, our conversations frequently highlighted anything new I’d learned and ways we could both improve our lives. We shared successes, and sorrows; loves and losses. It was clear we were both growing in the same direction, and what a blessing to have him in my life this way! It’s as if we were each others’ sponsors on this new adventure. In less than two years, I watched Dan transform himself physically (he lost more than 80 pounds by committing to exercise and a healthy diet), as well as emotionally and spiritually.

There are so many aspects of my friendship with Dan that I cherish, but one in particular stands out: it’s the gift he’s given me of being able to watch him manage his life so gracefully.

In the time I’ve known him, he’s survived two layoffs, two divorces, an irrevocable falling out with one of his best friends, and most recently, the loss of his father. Amidst all of this, he’s not only maintained - but strengthened - his positive outlook and deepened his spirituality. He questions the world, not through anger and frustration anymore, but through a genuine desire to keep expanding his understanding of life in the broadest sense. He seeks to learn how he fits in with the greater scheme, and strives to be the best version of himself he can be.

He encourages others along the way, too. He’s been a huge supporter of me, and is probably the biggest reason I’m considering writing my first book so soon. He shepherds others, too, on everything from weight issues, to adopting a more positive outlook, to following their dreams. It wasn’t that long ago that the two of us were mocking the world around us, so to see such a transformation is pretty spectacular.

I learn so much by simply watching him, and will easily admit that my heart overflows with pride any time he points to where we both started. He thanks me for the ways I’ve inspired him, and truthfully, I’ll always be grateful to him not only for his unwavering friendship, but for the little lessons he’s opened my eyes to along the way.

In this life, if we find some friends who give greater context and meaning to the experiences we have along the way, we’re better off for it. When those friends become our mentors, allies and champions - walking on paths that parallel our own - it’s as if the powers that be have handed us a special note with directions on how we can live the most joyful life ever. For this and so many other things, I’m grateful.

* Not his real name

An intresting Article I found today

2008-03-27T10:44:00.000-07:00

How Pushing Aside Foolish Excuses In Honor od the Truth Brings Joy

I’ve come to the conclusion recently that I’m done with foolish excuses. I spent many years mastering the fine art of excuse-making, priding myself on it at one point (my excuses were always believable and I had a mental rolodex full of them for any occasion). Truth be told, though, excuses do nothing more than try to justify an action, and unless someone’s asking, why bother? It doesn’t change the outcome of the action. At most, it cushions the blow. And yet, as a society, we’re full of excuses. We have them ready at every turn, constantly feeling like we need to explain ourselves. I understand it up to a point, but when it comes to foolish excuses, I’ve decided I just don’t have the time or desire for them anymore.

Foolish excuses are the things we tell people when our justifications aren’t 100% honest. What I mean by this is that there are many times when we’re not willing to admit the real reasons we do the things we do. Rather than dig for the truth behind our actions, we cover them up with fancy explanations, hoping no one will look too closely and see just what’s really going on with us. Worse yet, we, ourselves, believe our own foolish excuses and don’t question the true motives behind our behaviors.

Fortunately or unfortunately, actions always speak louder than words, especially repetitive actions (i.e., habits). I have a friend who, whether he knows it or not, overpromises and under-delivers more than half the time he commits to something. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard him say, “I’ll call you tonight” only to be followed up the next day with an, “I’m sorry I didn’t call you. XYZ happened…” The first four or five times I witnessed this, I cut him all kinds of slack. “He’s a busy guy,” I told myself. “It’s fine that he didn’t call; I was tired last night anyway.” I even cut him slack to his face, telling him it was no big deal. After three years of this, I finally started asking myself if it was really ok. Certainly there were times when it didn’t matter that we didn’t talk on the day we’d agreed to. However, other times, I got excited at the prospect of connecting only to feel disappointed when it fell through. Then I started noticing that his “overpromise, under-deliver” behavior stretched into other areas, too, including a trip the two of us had planned. He swore six ways from Sunday that he was serious about the trip and had made plane and hotel reservations, etc. It was a done deal. Deep down, though, part of me knew it’d fall through. After all, he’d made a habit of breaking commitments, which I bore witness to more than a few dozen times. Why should I believe it was any different now?

For me, the bottom line is that actions happen. Maybe we could do ourselves a favor and not try to cover up actions with foolish excuses. No matter what we say, the outcome stays the same. It doesn’t matter why we didn’t call so much as that we didn’t call. It doesn’t matter why we’re late so much as that we didn’t make it on-time. When our actions consistently speak in contrast with our words, eventually the actions win out. In this respect, we’re constantly showing people who we really are by what we repeatedly do, regardless of how many justifications we try to pawn off. The question is, do people believe us?

I can say all of this knowing full well that I have, on more than one occasion, been the purveyor of foolish excuses. As I’m learning to live a more truthful, fearless life, I’m finding less and less need for dressed up explanations. Frankly, I’d like to see them done away with altogether. Why is it so hard to tell people the truth, or for us to admit our own truths when it comes to the real reason we do things?

I’m convinced that, as humans with a desire to fit in, many of us are trying not to hurt others’ feelings. Or, perhaps it’s that we’re trying to protect our own images. Any way you slice it, though, we’re uncomfortable with the truth.

What’s so scary about the truth? Well, as the cliché goes, sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes the reason I’m not getting that phone call is because I’m not as important as whatever else that person has going on. The choice, then, is mine as to whether or not I want to internalize that.

Taking it from a first-person standpoint, sometimes the reason I’m not making the call to someone else is because I just don’t feel like talking to them. Can I openly admit that, though? In the past, I haven’t been able to. In my mind, it’s not nice not to want to talk to someone. Well, I always thought of myself as a “nice” person, and certainly wanted others to think I was nice, so I’d make up a foolish excuse and lavish it on the person. Ironically, fibbing - even if we’ve convinced ourselves it’s to protect someone’s feelings - is what’s truly not nice.

Hard to believe it’s taken me more than thirty years to come to a place where I just want the truth, no matter what it is, as opposed to the funny little games we all play in relation to each other. Sheesh, seems like it should’ve been a whole lot simpler to reach this point, but I’m glad I’m here. I’ll go so far as to say I’m even joyful about it.

Somerfield Carrier bags!

2008-03-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

Thank god! I have finally won the battle at my work, Somerfield in Linwood, to get better carrier bags.

When I first started they had good ones. Ones that were strong enough to hold two two liters of juice. And then they got too thin. You have to double sometimes even triple up all the bags. And we are ment to be ecofriendly. Whats ecofriendly about using more bags? Nothing. And end up using more. Then at christmas we got really strong ones that were go. At least they could hold a few stuff with out snapping. But then,after christmas we got the really thin ones back and had to double up agin. I remember all the times we had smashed wine or spirts on the floor because the bags werent strong enough to hold it. We have had these bags for the last few months and now we got strong ones back. Thank god! Lets see how long they last. If we don't get this fixed I think we could lose a lot of business because of this. But hey thank god they got the strong ones back.

Anyway, talk to you all later.

Em

xxx

Hi All

2008-02-22T04:21:00.000-08:00

Ive have created another blog. But this one is hoing to be a bit different than my last one. This one is just about me and my life. Im my last blog it was all about Kiefer Sutherland. He will very rarly appear on this blog,(even tho hes so damn cute). I will update this daily and when I cant when I can.

I'd like to thank Susie for this idea. She does the same kinda thing. So thanks Susie.

So heres to first of many posts. =).

Emma

xx